Still Learning

I'm still learning how to push my toes forward
towards the water and just feel the it on my skin
even if it's terribly cold, cold to the bone
and even though I will shrink back in fright,
just as long as I took that step
I'm still learning.

I'm still learning how to open my mouth
fling words from my core and unto the floor
and just let them take effect
and not worry too much about my audience
the reception that meets them, or my reputation
I'm still learning.

I'm still learning that you do, indeed, hold
the whole of my life in your hands
and there is no secret or shame or covert flaw
that you cannot undo, in me, through me, on me
That you do not look to hurt me
but instead all you wish is to love me
I'm still learning.

I'm still learning to paste a smile on my face
regardless of how I perceive my state
or the state of the hate in others around me
if there is one. That I should be me
regardless of where I have come to be
That I really am free, to be me in every way
I'm still learning.

Naked Light

They called this a controversy, when my heart was torn out of me

My lord, I can still remember their spears and fires. Their shouts

and the words they bathed me with.

Could a daughter like me, really be found in such a state?

I was pulled out from where I hid by rough hands

and pushed and prodded to follow that path leading to my death

They cursed me with their tongue and called me vile

said I was lower than vermin because of where I hid my heart

They dragged me down that path, unknowingly, they led me to you

folks of age old wisdom and profound understanding, they were

yet they did not understand the anguish I bore within my chest

then you whispered in silence on those streets of cobbled stone

The cold air on my skin, less cold, as you let me enter in

their faces were a cycle of endangered fear

like flames stoked and stoked by food of dry wood

They were people talking without speaking

people hearing without listening.

People killing without reason.

I fell and you picked me up again, compassion in your eyes

and the people, everyone of them, retreated

for they all knew

Standing in the naked light- we all knew.

Sound of Silence

Another Brooke Fraser inspired blog post :)

"What is the secret you?" I am asked.
I am asked of who will show up if the secret me were allowed to come out and play for a day.
I answer...I am not sure.
Do you want the secret me when I am with you? Do you want my secret desires out in the open? all my thoughts and intentions spelt out on my lips and body? or what do you mean?

My secret me? out in the naked light? My secret me would be a crowd, right now as I sit here facing you, my secret me would like to search deeper and find another secret me. Is that what you mean?
Or maybe the secret me that is in love? the one that was once betrayed? that feels guilty sometimes, when I think of love?
That secret me?

My secret me would like to be curled up somewhere soft and safe, surrounded by the presence of love, my one love, God. Just in deep fellowship, maybe talking for hours but even more precious would be the silence. That is really where my secret me would love to be. In silence with my love. Really.

Freedom Writer

No..this is not that kind of post.
I spin words as a manifestation of my freedom.
They are to me, what the sun is to vegetation.
They are to me what a breath is to a human.
The word is The Word breathed,
Giving life to all that it creates and bringing light to all of them.

Light.
You shine down on me at my most vulnerable moments
then you do something beautiful like call me your daughter
your daughter. A woman of the earth-you call your own
soil and dust, plucked from the rib of man
flesh. Born and bred, still you call me your own.

Your own.
A fleshly vessel of insecurities and misconceptions
quick to think less of herself in every opportunity
someday I'll learn. Maybe today.
Then like a bridegroom entering his chamber
you so radiantly lit up the room for me to see
and I saw, when I did not deserve to see.

Now we connect, we relate. You talk and I talk back
how beautiful is our chemistry.
This does not rhyme, my simple words never do.

Mercy again

Something malicious brewed in the interior;
it tore through the barrier my skin had made
And spilled over like pus in an open wound,
Threatening to disconcert my exterior
How troubling.
Still your mercy endures forever.

Who I Am

I am healing in plain sight
Mercy's poster child
Grace's landing strip

I am perfection in the light
Forgiveness in Christ
A part of the masterpiece

I am a transformation from what used to be
to the wonderful, new and thriving me
I am free
Love wrapped in your palms
I am free
a testimony to your glory
I am free
your wonderful works
I am free
an example of how you bring one out of the darkeness and into your wonderful light.
I am an embodiment of Christ.
I am free
Your child.
Your love.
I am yours. That's what counts

Thinking about everything God has done for me and how he's always been there, shielding me  and protecting me especially when I didn't know what the outcome of my actions would have been. He's aweosme. Who the son sets free, is free indeed. I am free indeed

Jehovah El Roi

You are awesome in this place
though I cannot feel you
but your word tells me my worth is independent of that

If I could only behold your face
I know there is no shame for those who seek you
Yet, I need to feel you and the peace that you exact

Feeling alone, I'm like a pin in the middle of the ocean
sinking fast and overwhelmed by the raging tides
I realise how helpless I really am without you

Still, I believe you are here in all these emotions
you said you would never leave me and that was not a lie
so you must be here, somewhere in the blue

Have mercy on me then, that I may see you
have mercy on me, that I may feel you
Let me come to your throne and worship you

You are Jehovah El Roi
The One that sees me.

Thank you Lord.